I did not like Bridesmaids. At all. I really wanted to, but I couldn't. Maybe my expectations were too high, but I felt like though there were some hilarious parts (most notably anything with the amazing Melissa McCarthy), they were too few and far between to make up for the cliched dreck in between.
This movie was billed as "finally a comedy by the ladies, for the ladies." And that's something I can get behind, especially with that cast of amazing comediennes. But I was profoundly disappointed by what I saw in the theater, and I'm shocked that people are heaping praise on it for being a "realistic portrayal of real women."
Can someone please explain to me what is "realistic" or "touching" about a grown woman completely losing her shit at her best friend's bridal shower, screaming obscenities while maniacally destroying the decorations? It's not charmingly real, it's off-puttingly unreal, not to mention psychotic. The fact that some women cried during this scene because "who hasn't had that one big fight with their best friend?" makes me question my own sanity. Me. I haven't. I can honestly say I have never screamed the words "Are you fucking kidding me?!?" in front of mixed company before going on a destructive party-ruining rampage. I don't know any woman who has, and thank goodness for that.
I just don't understand why being a pathetic loser and total bitch makes Kristen Wiig's character "realistic." Not to mention, any woman who would be dumb enough to engage with the fucking asshole that is Jon Hamm's character deserves whatever she gets. He has to literally pull out his dick and suggest she "take a nap in his lap" before she realizes he's a prick. Most of the strong, independent, realistic women I know would have run far, far away after the first drunken "but he's so hot" mistake. If they even gave him the time of day to begin with.
Ellie Kemper, Wendi McLendon-Covey, Maya Rudolph and yes, even Rose Byrne (who was hilarious in Get Him to the Greek) were all criminally wasted in what was supposed to be a female-centric comedy. They all looked so sassy and potentially hilarious in the poster, only to be brushed aside in the actual film. Even Kristen Wiig, whose manic SNL characters have always made me laugh in the past, only had one really satisfyingly funny scene, and it was because her character was hopped up on anti-anxiety meds. Ellie Kemper is a whole lot funnier than a scene where she throws up on someone's head. She is better than that--they all are--and I wish the script could have been too.
The movie was entirely too long and rambling, with so many concurrent and oddly disconnected storylines that what should have been a straightforward leading-up-to-the-wedding-finale plot ended up feeling, well, pointless. Why did I just sit through 2 hours of Kristen Wiig embarrassing herself? And the answer is not "for the good of women everywhere." I mean, was it really necessary to have two separate "baking redemption" scenes? Especially when that ended up going nowhere story-wise for the character. She doesn't go back to baking or announce her resolve to open another bakery. She just makes two random cakes in the course of all the craziness. There were also two separate "Kristen Wiig acts like an idiot at her depressing day job" scenes. Why? Why two?!? It's almost like they didn't edit anything out of the final version of the script. "I know, let's add some craaazy British roommates! I know, let's add some weird thing with her mother going to AA all the time even though she's not an alcoholic! Ooh, and then the mother can make eyes at the mechanic guy so we know she's taken care of romantically. After all, an unattached woman might as well not even be a woman! Hahaha!"
Speaking of, Officer Rhodes? Totally unnecessary, and anyone could tell he was the eventual love interest from his very first scene. It's that kind of cliched predictability that I was hoping Bridesmaids would avoid, but nope. There had to be a sweet, charming, not-too-handsome guy for her to end up with. Otherwise, what's the point?!? Certainly not the beauty of female friendship!
All in all this movie seems to share a definition of "womanhood" with the recently launched xojane.com (a website billed as "where women go when they are being selfish, and where their selfishness is applauded"), and that's not a good thing.
Sorry, ladies of Bridesmaids...better luck next time, and I hope to see all of you in better movies soon.
